Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dignity is for republicans.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
