she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
