He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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