we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's rum buckets o'clock
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
