So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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