he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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