so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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