once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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