I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
