Quick, to the slutcave!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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