Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
