so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
