First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
