I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
