You can't special order awesome
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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