I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
