Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
