so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
