you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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