I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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