Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
