You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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