i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
