dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
