I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
