I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
