Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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