he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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