i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
