Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
