Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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