can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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