i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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