so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
