In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
