I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
