There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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