Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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