Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
