I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
