Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
