Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
