I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
