I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
