you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
