Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
