I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
