Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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