How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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