Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
