Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
