Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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