video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
