I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
