But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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