I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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