then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
