I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
